


Non scholae (sed vitae) discunt

by LocalVodkaAunt



Series: Tales of Suburbia [2]
Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, De-Aged Luffy, Domestic Fluff, Gen, Pre-Slash, Sabo is Back on his bullshit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2020-03-02 05:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18805033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalVodkaAunt/pseuds/LocalVodkaAunt
Summary: Ace should have seen this coming. He knows Luffy. He knows Sabo. He should have known.The Suburban Husbands AU noone asked for has returned!Part 1: After moving into the suburbs, Ace asks himself what the fuck his life has become.Part 2: Sabo helps Luffy with his homework and it goes as well as you'd expect.This work can be read as a standalone.





	Non scholae (sed vitae) discunt

Ace should have seen this coming. 

 

He knows Luffy. 

 

He knows Sabo. 

 

_ He should have known.  _

 

Ace had been relieved when Sabo offered Luffy help with his homework, because English was not his strong suit back in school (t o be honest, school hadn’t been his strong suit back in school) So he was glad to have dodged this particular bullet and lived his life, did the job he hated, tried to stop Luffy from stealing his food and all was well. 

 

At least as well as it usually got for them. 

 

Today has been a normal day, with just the usual amount of frustration and lots of coffee, and when he has almost made it home and just checks his emails while he waits in line for the gas station, there it is. 

 

“It” being an e-mail by Luffy’s teacher, asking him and Sabo to call her. Which makes it the second time this month and the fifth time since they moved into the suburbs. And it’s not that Ace is really worried about Luffy being kicked out of his school - Sabo and him pay them a hefty amount of money for putting up with behaviour other schools wouldn’t tolerate, after all - but the last line throws him off. 

 

_...to discuss Luffy’s most recent homework submission.  _

 

Sabo helped Luffy with his homework, so Ace naturally assumed everything was going to be fine. 

 

Except. 

 

Except  _ Sabo _ helped Luffy with his homework, and Ace should have suspected this would not go over well. 

 

He has to take a deep breath. And another one. Then he rubs his eyes, hoping this is all a dream. 

 

It isn’t. 

 

It’s his turn at the checkout and he pays, wondering which morbid twist of fate has made him the responsible one in their family. He distinctly remembers that not too long ago, he couldn’t have cared less about stuff like grades and dishes. 

 

Ace hasn’t even checked if there are suitable gyms in his area. 

 

So he leaves the gas station and drives home, keeping the speed passive-aggressively exactly four miles over the limit, sitting in his car and prepares himself for the rest of the evening. 

 

Ace loves his brothers, but if there is one thing he has learned about them in the past years is that they don’t half-ass their bullshit. 

 

When he is finally ready to leave the car, he can hear the clank of pots and the loud music even before he enters the house. Seems like Luffy is trying to help with the cooking again, which diminishes the chances of any of them eating anytime soon. Luffy is completely helpless in the kitchen - not that there are a lot of grade schoolers that are chefs, but Ace swears Luffy would manage to set something on fire if they left him unsupervised. He also eats all the food he is supposed to be cooking, so he hopes Sabo is fighting him for their share of the meal. 

 

It’s simultaneously better and worse when he makes it inside. 

 

On the plus side, Luffy is definitely not in the kitchen. Chances for dinner are rising again. 

 

But then again, he has a big pot on his head and a towel pinned to his shoulders. When Ace closes the door behind him, his brother runs up to him and positions himself so that Ace can’t pass through the hallway, knees bent in a fighting stance. 

 

“If you want to enter this house, you have to fight me first!” he demands. 

 

He shouldn’t. He should make his way past Luffy, speak to Sabo and make him apologize to Luffy’s teacher, then help with dinner preparations so Luffy will be in bed on time. But as his brother looks at him, bold and daring- well, let’s just say Ace never backs down from a challenge. 

 

“You will never defeat the mighty Fire Fist!” he shouts, conjuring up memories of their previous playtimes. Luffy loves to be a warrior and even though he picked one of the weirdest superpowers Ace has ever heard of - seriously, made of rubber? Who  _ does _ that? - he doesn’t get tired of it. 

 

“I’m the strongest man in all four seas!” Luffy runs into him head on and Ace has barely enough time to drop his bag and put him into a head-lock. 

 

“It’s three oceans, rookie,” he remarks as Luffy is struggling to get free, kickling blindly into the vague direction of Ace’s shin. When he finally manages to break through Ace’s hold, he jumps onto him, clutching his brother’s shirt and trying to incapacitate his arms with his legs. They’re not long enough. 

 

But Ace acts like he can’t move, stumbles through the hall into the living room, wiggling as if he is in grave danger. “Get off me, Rubber man! Your fate is sealed, I will win!” He lets himself fall on the sofa, face first, hoping it will shake Luffy off. 

 

On his back, Luffy just laughs in delight. “Nah, I got you. You already lost.” 

 

“What a shameful end for a villain.” Ace can’t see him but at some point Sabo must have come in. “Incapacitated on the couch. Wait until the press finds out.” 

 

“And my own brother stabbing me in the back!” He hopes it comes out clear enough, since his face is buried in a big cushion. 

 

“Yeah, but he also made dinner, so hurry up, before Rubber man eats it all.” 

 

“Meat!” In less than a second, Luffy is gone, running into the kitchen, chanting loudly. As Ace follows him, he is delighted to find that not only is the kitchen still mostly in one piece, but there is in fact an edible meal on the table. 

 

Dinner is, as usual, a lively affair. Ace wonders why they still bother with tableware when Luffy’s hands more or less subtly try to sneak food off of his brother’s plates anyway. He gives his hands a soft swat every time he notices, fighting for his share, when he notices that Sabo, in turn, snatches some chicken away from Luffy. 

 

Everyone is on his own when it comes to food. 

 

The talk he has to have with Sabo is still at the back of his mind, nagging, while they talk about the kids at school, Sabo’s plans for the weekend and how many different authorities Ace’s colleague Smoker managed to offend during an eight hour work day. It’s not exhausting, but he’s not fully relaxed either, so it’s almost a relief when they are done and he has the opportunity to get this out of the way. 

 

When Luffy and him put all the dishes in the dishwasher, he deliberately follows Sabo to his room, where he is listening to some news podcast. There’s no need for big words, so he just pulls up the email on his phone and holds it under Sabo’s nose. 

 

“You’ll take care of this.” 

 

Sabo skims over the message. “That’s stupid,” he says when he got the gist. “We did everything just like we were supposed to.” 

 

Ace can’t help the sceptical look on his face. “Well, the teacher doesn’t seem to think so, so why don’t you explain it to her?” 

 

His brother just grins. “Consider it done.”

 

Ace is not entirely sure if he made the right decision. But it’s too late now, and also he really doesn’t want anything to do with this, so he just sits down on his brother’s bed and watches the other man punch the teacher’s number into his phone. 

 

He leans back. It still feels strange, being here together. Unusual, to see Sabo doing housework, cooking, cleaning. He works part time as a receptionist in a doctor’s office, when Luffy is at school and does the chores with him. Sabo will always be himself, but watching him at home, daydreaming while doing laundry or with a concentrated expression always does something to Ace. Even though they lived together for a while now and have known each other even longer, these small moments still feel new to him, and sometimes the unfamiliarity makes Ace more vigilant. He notices things he had stopped seeing before, like the little strand of hair that always falls into Sabo’s face but that he never cuts off. The straight line of his back up to the curve of his shoulders. How he will grin to himself when a particularly pleasing thought has crossed his mind. It’s not the same grin he gives others, it’s smaller, more private and he probably doesn’t even know he’s doing it, but the obliviousness usually makes Ace smile himself. 

 

Right now he introduces himself to the person he called. His face is serious, but there is a spark in his eyes that promises he’s up to no good. For a moment he just listens to what the teacher is saying. The corners of his mouth twitch as he does. 

 

“I’m sorry, it was my impression that Luffy was to write a one verse poem with five lines and a consecutive rhyme pattern. Did we make a mistake somewhere?” 

 

He’s silent as he waits for the answer. There’s a plan behind this. There has to be. Sabo is not formal with people unless he absolutely needs to. Usually he would rather hurt himself than use his formal education. 

 

“Well, I couldn’t find instructions regarding the theme of the poem on the worksheet you distributed.” 

 

He throws Ace a look that says the other person is talking too much. 

 

“It was what Luffy came up with. And he seemed to have fun, too. So why would I disrupt him once he got into the task?” 

 

Sabo grimaces, wrinkling his nose and pursing his lips, so it looks like he’s a fish. He’s clearly making fun of the teacher and Ace probably shouldn’t, but he’s grinning back, making a talking motion with his hands. It looks a bit like pac man. 

 

“Now, the way I understand it, critical thinking skills are encouraged in your institution.” He seems to be cut off, but is having none of it. “And flat hierarchies are emphasized in your policy? So why would it be a problem if one of your students questions the right of authority that teachers have? Isn’t this the line of thinking that will help them grow into responsible citizens who uphold our democracy?” 

 

Another pause for listening, then: “Of course you’re right, but that would only apply if the authority in question would be chosen by the subjects - Naturally I’m not suggesting children do that. But questioning claims of unlegitimized authority was what sparked civilization as we know it, so please forgive me, but I fail to see why Luffy’s poem would be a problem given these circumstances.” 

 

Ace can see his teeth through the grin that’s spreading over Sabo’s face. It’s shit-eating. The fucker is having fun with this. 

 

Ace is torn. The rational side of his brain, or rather, the small trace of common sense that he still has left, advises him to rip the phone out of Sabo’s hands, apologize and try to handle it himself. Everything else in him wants to see how this will play out. He has seen Sabo talk people down almost as many times as he has seen him beat someone up. Though seeing him defending Luffy always thrills him, seeing his own protectiveness mirrored in the other’s eyes reminds him that it’s them, Ace, Sabo and Luffy against the rest of the world. 

 

He also knows the next parent-teacher-conference will be hell. But, he thinks as he watches Sabo’s confident face, he will not go. He’ll leave his brother to lie in the bed he made for himself.

 

Just for a short moment he ponders how time flies, how he can know Sabo so well and still not completely. 

 

Then Sabo hums into the receiver and the thought is gone as quickly as it came. “Well, of course I can talk to him about it. But it is our priority that Luffy learns to formulate his own thoughts and reflects his circumstances critically. I’m sure you understand.” 

 

There’s another pause. “Of course. It’s just a matter of our personal family beliefs.” 

 

Ace takes a pillow and throws it against his head. It recoils and lands on the floor with a muffled sound. Leave it to him to drag Ace into whatever happened. 

 

When his brother speaks, his voice is unfazed though he glares daggers back at him. “Naturally we will intervene when this has consequences on Luffy’s performance. I’m glad we’re on the same page.” A sure smile spreads over his face. “I’m looking forward to see you at the parent-teacher-conference, too. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” 

 

Sabo hangs up the phone. “Crisis averted.” 

 

Ace really isn’t sure about that, but he decides it isn’t worth a fight. This is Sabo’s problem now. Silently, he watches the other man get up from his desk and let himself fall onto the bed next to Ace. 

 

“Teachers really are the worst.” Sabo gets comfortable, leaning back against the wall, legs wide apart. Their thighs touch, casually. 

 

“I’m so glad I’m not in school anymore,” Ace responds. Then silence falls between them. It’s companionable, a short breather between everything they still have to do this evening and the hectic day that lies behind them. Maybe there will always be moments like this, where they feel a bit out of place and still like two kids trying to muddle through. Little surprises when one of them gets over himself and acts like the grown up he is supposed to be. It may never change, but Ace suspects people grow overtime and they are a little bit different every day. It makes him hopeful, to think that he will wake up in the morning and learn something new about the small family they have made themselves to be. 

 

His head sinks against Sabo’s shoulder. It feels like he’s supporting himself, but he lets himself have this. He’ll have be back to being tough soon. 

 

Outside, they can hear children play - Luffy is loud and boisterous among them. No other sounds reach them.

 

“Hey,” Ace asks after a while, when he feels his mind has settled and his body has grown calm, “what was this homework thing about anyway?” 

 

Sabo chuckles. His shoulders move in the rhythm of the sound. “Nothing much. Luffy had to write a poem for his English class and he wanted to write about how stupid schools and teachers are. So we did.” 

 

Ace groans. He should have _known._  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, come find me on tumblr, @zorotrash, or twitter @fatfairy17 :D 
> 
> Please drop me a line (or an emoji) to tell me how you liked it!


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